The Unlovable Beings
Let us face the truth; most fathers are original “unlovable beings”. Seriously, let’s be honest; for most parts fathers are more of the bad guys when it comes to parenting. When last did your father use obvious means to show that he loves and cares genuinely about you? You know? Most kids were brought up by absentee dads. (Okay, I know you would soon stop reading this blasphemy churned up by yours truly but would you take a chill pill? Thank you!)
By absentee dads, I do not necessarily mean that fathers were not present in the upbringing of their children (even though some were literally absent, you know?). Many were absentee dads because of the nature of their jobs. Work took most away from their families. Not only; away from their kids, but also; away from their wives. So they were also absentee husbands. I know I still need to explain further, what I mean is while growing; most of us had fathers who woke as early as 4am to go to work, while we kids woke by 6:30am to prepare for school. Our Daddies got back late around 10pm while we were already dreaming of Romeo and Julliet, so more often than not we didn’t see our fathers on weekdays. We had to wait till weekends or till public holidays (God bless him if he was a doctor or soldier). A very grandiose shout out to our moms who were present and available to and for everyone, they always have a special way of coming through for us all.
The average child grew up having lots of love for their mother and is never shy to shower them with the love. Listen to the songs we play and notice how often this love is embedded in our beautiful lyrics and notice how well we keep on “hailing and praising our moms” (hope you still remember all our nursery rhymes too?). Notice how often mothers are mentioned when we are giving our appreciation speeches and all that. See how much the moms are loved? In all honesty if I were a dad I would be jealous of my wife on this ground. The reason cannot be too far from the truth; the moms were mostly emotionally available for their wards while the dads were mostly financially available. Say the truth, you grew up in a patriarchal home (your dad paid with money while your mom paid with emotions). And the way God (or whatsoever you believe in) designed humans, designed us to be emotional beings first before anything else. The afore statement can even be proven medically in that; any sensation that requires interpretation hits the spinal cord (which is the seat of emotions) first before taking a while to hit the cerebrum (which is the seat of logic). Please I stand to be corrected by the doctors ooo! (Let me tell you a quick one, do you know my dad just walked in on me and saw me writing this piece, Nigga asked what I was doing, I told him: I’m trying to create an article. Would you believe baba just hissed at me? And here I am trying to defend him! Poor me).
So, back to our “nonsense” before one of the “unlovable beings” interrupted. We were saying; we grew up in a patriarchy where fathers were expected to be the “tough guys” who would straighten us up whenever we needed it or when they felt we needed it. And most of them succeeded at it or not. They played their part which demanded that they were financially available. Be honest: If you lived in a rented apartment, who is the most likely person to pay the rent? Or if you lived in your own house, who is the most likely person that built it? If you were on your sick bed, who is most likely to pay your bills? If you’re to go to school, who is most likely to pay the fees? The list goes on and on. If you answered these questions honestly, then that’s patriarchy for you.
This same patriarchy demanded the mothers to be care givers. So, if you lived in a home, the most likely person to take care of domestic affairs was? If you are on your sick bed, the most likely person to sit by your bed side rub your head and watch over you was? If your school had an open day, the most likely person to show up for you was? I know you get my picture very clearly by now.
So in essence, it is my opinion that both fathers and mothers loved and showed it in the kind of way Patriarchy demanded of them. Imagine for a moment, that you are a footballer and your job is to defend and you do it well, while another person has the job to attack and he also does it well but the attacker gets 95 percent of the credit while you get a meager 5 percent of the credit from the coach, the board, the fans and even in rewards. How would you feel? That’s exactly how I believe the average dad feels. Now imagine you as a defender get say 35 percent or more would you feel better?
There is nothing abnormal about people showing more love for their mothers, but it is my hope that people tried showing a little more love and giving a little more appreciation to their fathers. Some of these “unlovable beings” are dying to be loved. They aren’t really as unloving as they seem. They are just a victim of the “system”.
Written by: Babagbale David King (Gbaleh)
Follow on: Twitter @Sirbabagee